golden rules for a peaceful existence

i've just finished typing up this list, gleaned from Dr. Christopher Green's great little book, 'Beyond Toddlerdom Tips: Quick fixes for keeping children five to twelve on the rails'. I bought this when we were in Australia, and it's got some excellent tips.

GOLDEN RULES FOR A PEACEFUL EXISTENCE

Be available

Routine and structure

Consistent limits and rules

Flexibility and compromise

Choice and freedom

Communicate clearly. If you wish a child to respond, address them with interest and enthusiasm.

Ask, don’t nag. Children switch off and go deaf when parents nag.

Notice the good. Catch your children being good.

Reward good behaviour

Subtle rewards are best

Confrontation causes resentment

Clam spreads calm

Cool off and regain control

Forgive and move on. Be a peacemaker

Don’t stir up the animals! Let unimportant things pass

Be Positive

Communicate warmly with and without words

Listen, take time, and enjoy doing things with the children

Mould good behaviour through encouragement and reward

Forgive quickly and hold no grudges

Transmit instructions with the expectation that things will happen

Watch with interest and pride

Keep sense of humour and perspective

Focus on the good. Even the worst behaved child is good for 90 percent of the time.

i'm blu-tacking this list in a prominent position somewhere in the kitchen, which is where i usually retreat when i've got steam coming out of my ears and a ferocious look on my face : ) this way, when mummy is having time out, she can take a deep breath, read the list, and (hopefully) calm down. I don't want to imply that max and lola are fearsome, screechy little beasties, but like all normal children, they have their moments where they can drive me totally up the wall with their combined/individual behaviour. it makes me feel out of control and quite guilty when we reach the point of cross words and behaviours towards each other (esp. now that we often see our actions reflected back to us via max, who faithfully copies everything mummy and daddy do or say). these are things i'd like to avoid in my daily life this year. so i'm being pro-active and trying to avoid getting to that awful point where shouting, door-slamming, crying and so forth occurs. this is one thing i'd really like to get to grips with this year - my temper.

Comments

[Sharyn]

Thanks, I needed to be reminded of these things. These points seem so simple and basic, but they're easily forgotten in the heat of the moment.

[Alison]

What lovely advice. It is so important to focus on what is good. And "calm spreads calm" is such a soothing mantra, especially when you feel like a headless chicken.
Nice site!

Alison
http://brocantehome.typepad.com

[george]

Ask them about their dreams. They will be more than enthusiastic when you do this. It's a place that both intriques them, baffles them, and most importantly, frightens them.

After I began asking my son about his dreams, he focused on them, and out of it came some remarkable discussions!